she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
