it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
