What a fucking waste of an outfit
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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