this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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