At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize