Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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