Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
