3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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