I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
