we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
