Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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