If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When are your genitals available?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
