I want to have your abortion
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
