Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
