the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
