I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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