Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
