I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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