You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
NoShamevember. You game?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
