im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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