my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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