i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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