If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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