i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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