I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
