You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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