this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
