You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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