Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
