he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
