I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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