If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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