i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
