I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize