Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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