Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
