Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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