mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
