I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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