and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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