I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
