I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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