I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
