i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
