No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
