my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
