Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
