Well douche your snatch and let's go!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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