Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
