I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize