have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
