Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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