Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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