wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize