I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
