Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
