no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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