1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
