I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
