We're like a lot better than the average bears
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
