it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my sisters under your porch take her home
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
