She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
