I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My hand turned me down
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
