can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
