I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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