My Higher Power is John Stamos
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
