Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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