I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
