Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
