He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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