I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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