I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
