the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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